It feels like I'm barely playing now that we have another catcher and we switch off every game. If we play 6 games in a week then I'm only playing 3 and neither of the two of us gets to hit on our days off. When you haven't seen live pitching in over a year you need at-bats to get your eyes back, get your timing back, and just get your swing back in general. We're two weeks in and I only have 20 at-bats. Whatever strides I make in one day are basically dashed because I have to sit out the next day. I can't get in a rhythm, I can't build on what I did yesterday, and I largely don't get to take any batting practice. It's just getting a little frustrating. Everyone's goal is to get out of this league and into one that is bigger and better; me included. And when you only have 20 at-bats after 12 games, who's going to really look at that and who could actually assess my ability as a ballplayer based on stats that don't tell the whole story at all. The frustration is twofold though. I have only 20 at-bats and statistically I've been largely unsuccessful in those at-bats and when it looks like I'm going to only get 80 at-bats this year I can't help but begin to worry that I'm digging myself a hole I can't get out of.
To be honest I came in to this whole experience with doubts. I doubted that I would be able to compete after being out of the game. I had doubts that after so many injuries and surgeries that my body would be able to hold up. I even had doubts that this is even what I truly wanted. What I have discovered is that I can definitely play at a much higher level; I have been almost shocked at how well my body has held up thus far; and finally, I now know that I want this more than I ever have before. I honestly cannot adequately describe how much I want this and how much this means to me. For the first time in I can't even tell you how long when I get up to head to the field I'm genuinely excited and happy even when our games are played at 10am in front of a maximum of 10 people. It's like I've become reacquainted with an old friend...like a romance rekindled. It just feels right. Perhaps it's just that the whole experience has taken on a new meaning; that I see baseball with a new set of eyes. It's no longer just a game and it's no longer a matter of winning and losing, succeeding and failing. It's become a gift from God...literally every time I step onto the field it is a gift from God and God wants us to use the gifts He gives to glorify Him. Perhaps if I can keep that in mind and keep that perspective that will take away much of the frustration, the anxiety, and the worrying.
"It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game."
...this saying takes on a new meaning, doesn't it?
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